Okay, look: it's a kind of a general rule of Bad Moms Club that preachiness and finger-wagging are not allowed. But there are a few issues about which I get entirely preachy and so, as a founding member of the club, I am going to move that on certain key issues we can preach and finger-wag until our voices break and our digits ache. Anyone care to second this motion?
What's that? What sorts of issues? SO GLAD YOU ASKED.
Breastfeeding is a biggie. Well, mothers' right to nourish their children in the manner that best serves them is the broader issue, really, but seeing it's usually breastfeeding that brings out the crazy in some people, that's the issue that comes up more often. And although you wouldn't expect it to come up in a humorous HuffPo piece on bad toys, up it did come and I'm just a teensy bit peeved and, seriously, peeved is not a good look for me, not least on a Monday morning when my coffee tank is not yet full.
Source of peevage:
That's from the Huffington Post's list of 15 Toys Not To Buy Your Kids. The text, if you can't see it above, reads:
A girl wears a special halter top with flowers instead of nipples that
cause the baby to make sucking sounds and move its mouth. The tagline
for the toy reads, "Because you shouldn't have to wait until you have
breasts before you start breastfeeding your baby." We think you should.
Really, HuffPo? Thanks for the super-awesome parenting advice! While you're at it, maybe you should remind us to that it would be stupid to let our kids play with toy cars before they're old enough to drive, or toy tools before they're old enough for manual labor, or – OH HEY – baby dolls before they're old enough to procreate. Or – OR -maybe remind us that we shouldn't let our children pretend to bottle-feed baby dollies before they're old enough to know that the aggressive marketing of formula has compromised the health of countless babies in developing countries and that companies that make formula regularly violate the World Health Organization's International Code of Standards for Marketing Breast-Milk Substitutes.
But this isn't about stupidity, is it? This is about what some silly squeamish wuss-person over at HuffPo thinks is gross. Nursing boobies are gross, right? They're, like, sexual or something, right? Because they're boobies? Right? So a baby doll, pretend-suckling on pretend-boobies? EW GROSS YUCK. Do NOT let your kids do that. UGH.
And this here is exactly why we still have problems meaningfully securing mothers' rights to nurse publicly. Because some dipshits out there think that it's gross, and that it's funny that it's gross.
There's nothing gross about a mother nursing her baby. And there's nothing gross about a child pretending to nurse a doll. Far from it: it's awesome. It's hope for a future in which no woman, anywhere, ever, feels ashamed about nursing. It rocks.
So suck it, HuffPo. Really.
/preachy rant.
About Her Bad Mother
AWESOME rant!! Love it!
Perfection. You rock, as usual.
Great photo.
My daughter used to pretend to nurse her baby dolls and stuffed animals. It’s a perfectly normal form of pretend for children who’ve been breastfed themselves. HuffPo really missed the mark.
Of course.
But the Huffinton Post’s take on this doll just fits right in with the stink eye view most people take on breastfeeding in general, doesn’t it? Something like: “Breastfeeding is great, just keep it out of sight”
Read: Do the best for your baby, except when it offends someone. In that case, just go back to doing the bare minimum because really, everyone else’s comfort is what’s most important, not optimal nutrition – just one of the the obvious, proven benefits of breastfeeding.
But that’s just part & parcel of the way society treats babies in general – as something simply to maintained (i.e. formula designed to “thicken gently in baby’s tummy) & trained (i.e. supernanny or the plethora of cry it out books), because quiet baby = good baby & good baby = good parent.
That the public blasting of a doll created to foster gentle, compassionate and natural treatment of a new human being, is just not surprising to me. Sad, but not unexpected.
Of course.
But the Huffinton Post’s take on this doll just fits right in with the stink eye view most people take on breastfeeding in general, doesn’t it? Something like: “Breastfeeding is great, just keep it out of sight”
Read: Do the best for your baby, except when it offends someone. In that case, just go back to doing the bare minimum because really, everyone else’s comfort is what’s most important, not optimal nutrition – just one of the the obvious, proven benefits of breastfeeding.
But that’s just part & parcel of the way society treats babies in general – as something simply to maintained (i.e. formula designed to “thicken gently in baby’s tummy) & trained (i.e. supernanny or the plethora of cry it out books), because quiet baby = good baby & good baby = good parent.
That the public blasting of a doll created to foster gentle, compassionate and natural treatment of a new human being, is just not surprising to me. Sad, but not unexpected.
Why not teach girls early that breasts are for feeding babies, and not for selling beer…
Great Rant!
Amen. Seriously.
Every time I hear about that doll, people are making a fuss. I’m not especially delighted with the need for accessories to make it breastfeed, but it’s not gross or bad. The complaints really just show how uptight people are about breastfeeding.
And of course some people are disgusted that kids will pretend to breastfeed using their own breasts. From what I’ve seen with my kids that’s very normal behavior when they see breastfeeding done around them. Nothing sexual or gross about it, just kids imitating what they see.
I like some of what HuffPo writes and I think lots of it deserves a big eye roll. This is ridiculous. Kids shouldn’t have a baby that breastfeeds? Because it makes a noise? We can have any other amount of noise making toys and toys that are for times when kids get older. Play cars, doctor kits, etc. are all okay but this doll. That’s somehow out of line.
I thought it was ADORABLE when my 3yo pretended to feed her babies milk and lifted up her shirt to do so. She saw me feed her sister that way so why should it be any different for HER babies?
My husband also thought it was cute. HOWEVER, while I would have loved to make a blog post and/or post a picture of her doing it he felt it wasn’t appropriate. Yet another example of typical human mentality regarding breastfeeding. Don’t get me wrong, he is all for breastfeeding our kids and thinks it is the best for them BUT he doesn’t think it should be all “OUT there for the world to see”
Sigh…
I’ve seen that toy before and I think it’s pretty awesome. My daughter used to pretend to nurse her baby dolls when my son was a baby and I was nursing.
There is nothing gross about it. And if breastfeeding isn’t for you, then don’t buy it for your child.
I don’t have a problem with public breastfeeding, and I adore seeing my niece ‘nurse’ her dolls. (She grew up seeing me nurse my son.) However, this particular toy skeeves me a bit, I can’t lie. It’s not as grand a reason as “I don’t approve of breastfeeding”, as it is that creepy, creepy doll in action. Have you seen it work? The baby’s whole face caves in and violently pops back out and it makes this noise that’s just awful. So, I don’t agree with the reason HuffPo doesn’t like it, and I agree with your reasons for disliking why they don’t like it. But I don’t like the doll. I would much prefer to see kids breastfeed their normal dolls instead of playing with this creeeepy doll.
I agree – this toy doesn’t have a scare factor (or shouldn’t). One that does is the new tween Dora Links doll. She is now skinny and you can turn her eyes to blue. Yikes. Check the new Dora out (and other toys far scarier than a doll that can breastfeed) at http://ironicmom.com/2009/11/27/black-friday-five-best-of-2009-toys-that-really-suck/.
Leanne
personally, all baby dolls creep me out.
I love the acceptance this fosters, and that someone (in a non-English speaking country, natch) has found a way to exploit and commercialize the natural act. How many (creepy) baby dolls come with the magic bottle or pacifier?
my (still-nursing) 2 1/2 year old loves to see babies nursing (getting their mops, as she dubbed it) and looks through magazines pointing it out. (She also knows bottles, as I am a working mom who pumped, and points those out as well).
this doll just keeps on popping up… it’s squeamishness, easily packaged and ready for mocking.
My daughter — and my son, too, for that matter — pretended to nurse lots of favorite toys, including, oddly, ones without “mouths,” like Matchbox cars. Nursing, as far as breastfed children are concerned, is an expression of love and care and comfort. It’s a shame that what’s so obvious to little kids is a lot less obvious to plenty of people in the media, at the grocery store and on airplanes.
At first I was all in agreement with the Huffington review. You know, boobs as sexual and really? We want our kids doing that? And then you reminded me & my mass marketed brain that first, breastfeeding isn’t sexual, and second – uh, there are sexual boobs ALL OVER THE PLACE, and in places designed to be seen by kids. Hello, Bratz dolls. Barbie. Miley Cyrus.
Go team!
Yep. I’m with you…. Rant on, Mama, rant on….
Along the same line, no BOOKS until children are old enough to read! (of course, kidding…)
Great post. I had to nurse the other day in the car, my son was taking too long after a football game and the baby couldn’t/wouldn’t wait anylonger to eat. I pulled him out of the carseat, grabbed a blanket and nursed. Four minutes later the security guard knocked on my window and told me I couldn’t nurse in my car, under a blanket on school grounds… Mkay. Sure. Whatever. I told him to call the police and arrest me then. Craziness. I was nursing under a thin blanket, nothing was exposed but my son’s feet. If it weren’t for the feet showing the guard would not have had any idea there was a baby nursing, it would have looked like I was cold and under a blanket. Great post, people are so backwards.
Nicely written, but I’m a little confused about what the fuss is about. While I agree that breastfeeding is natural, good and entirely what I would advocate, for reasons scientific, sentimental and practical, I don’t understand the need to increase its acceptability in public places.
Making love, peeing and going to the bathroom are just as natural, good bodily functions that are essential to the well-being of the individual and society as a whole.. So does that automatically make it acceptable for a child to have a little dildo to play pretend-make-love with ?
I tend to think that certain aspects of life require a little maturity, and a large part of the beauty of breast-feeding is the beauty of motherhood itself. A child is neither capable of comprehending the awesomeness that makes motherhood, nor should they be required to.
To everything, there is a season and a time and place.. and breastfeeding is just one more of those ‘everything’s.
My son tried to nurse his baby doll the other day. I wouldn’t buy him this toy (because I don’t think pretend play requires expensive props), but I definitely encouraged it. He lost interest in about two seconds anyway.
Finger wave away!!! HuffPo is stupid. (That’s my intelligent opinion.)
Apalled by HuffPo. Appalled by JM’s peeing comment. Just generally appalled by ignorant doofuses. On the other hand, thanks for expressing my opinion so I don’t have to.
My girls have both pretended to breastfeed from time to time. I think that as a society we need to teach our children, from a young age, that breasts are breastfeeding, for goodness’ sake! I just dont’ think that a special doll is required for this.
Making breastfeeding shameful and keeping it out of the public eye is ridiculous. As is comparing it to going to the bathroom or having sex. Ridiculous!
Awesome rant! I totally agree with you!!!!!!!!!
JM is ignorant. In case she didn’t get the memo: Breastfeeding is natural. Making love with a plastic dildo is not.
Hello?!!!
Thanks for the rant…it said everything I was thinking, except you said it nicer than I would’ve. :)
What I don’t understand about that doll is its necessity. My kid used to nurse her plain dolls and stuffed animals all the time. And yeah, the HuffPo is being ridiculous.
Ok, well I for one think that doll is weird… would never buy it… however, I have breastfed all 4 of my kids and am still breastfeeding the 4th, Proudly, Publicly and without a blanket. (though sadly have a feeling it will be coming to an end soon)… My 3 year old has pretended to breastfeed her baby dolls ever since her baby sister was born, and I think its great! I’ve even caught pictures of her trying to use my breast pump!
It may just be how I was raised, I dunno but I would be weirded out if someone bought that doll for my daughter, not that theres anything wrong with teaching her that breastfeeding is a good thing, but I think there are other ways to encourage it without the necessity of having to wear a special “halter”.. The imagination is a wonderful thing.
Most particularly to JM, but in general:
The primary function of breasts is to feed babies. The primary function of ears is to hear.
Both breasts and ears, among other parts, contain nerve endings that, when stimulated, can cause a person to become sexually aroused.
If you insist that breasts are sex organs that can be used to feed babies, then I insist that ears are sex organs that can be used to hear, lips are sex organs that can be used to eat food, the throat is a sex organ that happens to contain the voice box…
The problem is that our society has spent so much time sexualizing breasts that most people can’t un-see them that way. If we spent as much time putting up billboards of people licking earlobes, publishing movies of people nibbling on ears…as we did with breasts, maybe we could promote the sexuality of ears, and start arguments about whether hair should be allowed to be cut short or pulled back into a ponytail, because so many men were aroused by the sight of ears, it was unreasonable to force them to deal with those uncomfortable feelings by letting ears be out in public for hearing, when one could hear just as well from underneath one’s hair, or even better, a hat.
I mean, it’s not that it’s shameful to listen with one’s ears, but just looking at ears brings to mind how I can arouse my husband in under a minute simply by nibbling on his ears, and it really makes me uncomfortable! It’s not like it’s that hard to keep your hair down, why are you so intent on FLAUNTING your ears, forcing people to look at them. I mean, KIDS might see them! Middle school kids, who might have caught sight of a recent romantic comedy where a couple nuzzled each other on the ears and got all hot and bothered, so they are also aroused and embarassed by ears, and not old enough to advocate for themselves, or ask an adult to stop doing something… Littler kids who, if they see you showing YOUR ears, might decide that there’s nothing wrong with flashing their ears around willy-nilly, and do it themselves (attracting pedophiles) or grow up having loose morals about showing their ears in any situation – walking down the street in a ponytail, or even getting a pixie-short haircut, so that no matter where they are – even CHURCH, or SCHOOL, or the GROCERY STORE!!!!!!! – anybody that saw them would be unable to look away from their fleshy, curled ears that were just OUT THERE begging to be fondled.
If you think I’m a perv with an ear fetish, I think you need to go back and re-read that with boobs instead of ears, and decide whether it’s something you might have thought recently…
Yeah, my son was fascinated with his baby sister’s manner of eating and breastfed a few baby dolls at his daycare.
Luckily, a rather progressive daycare.
I tried to explain why boys have “mommy things” but can’t feed a baby. Tried, and failed. Anyone else have the answer to that?
@ Della- That was a really interesting comparison, and certainly puts things in a different light, thank you! :)
I come from a culture where breastfeeding is just considered an extension of life- it is neither something to be flaunted, nor something to be particularly ashamed of (just like some of the activities I mentioned earlier :)). As such, the idea that someone could look down upon it as a sexual act just seems odd, to say the least.
@ the statement- “Breastfeeding is natural. Making love with a plastic dildo is not.”
-Yes, breastfeeding by an adult woman nursing a child is natural. Pretend feeding by a child trying to understand and play-act their surroundings is natural.
Breastfeeding using a plastic halter on a three year old seems to me as unnatural as a three year old learning about sex by playing with dildos.
JM- This is where the issue starts. Breastfeeding isn’t a “bodily function” like urinating or sex. It is food, plain and simple. So, it is closely related to you eating at a restaurant instead of at home… not pissing on the wall of a store. Human babies were made by evolution, God, or whatever (take your pick) to eat at the breast of a mother. It is only recently in our closed minded civilizations that are constantly making natural things dirty that breastfeeding has become taboo.
my sons pretend to nurse their baby dolls. yeh, you read that right. hah. suckit huffpo, indeed.
Comparing nursing to using the bathroom or having sex is not valid- eliminating and sex, while normal and healthy, are private personal matters. We don’t get together in public places with loved ones to go to the bathroom or (hopefully) to have sex.
We DO however, get together in public to eat together. Eating is not only not private it’s a social activity. Why should nursing be any different? It’s just feeding your child. And while ideally it is nicer to have a nice quiet space to relax and bond sometimes you gotta just feed the child and get on with it. There is nothing dirty, private or sexual about feeding a child. No one says anything about bottle feeding a baby in public.
We seriously need to get over this hangup about breast feeding. It’s just a baby eating, people!
And children will bottle feed baby dolls, breast feed baby dolls, spoon feed baby dolls whether they have a specialized toy to do it with or not. This was no different than making a doll that “drinks” a bottle.
Just realized that i wrote all that and didn’t even say what I thought of the doll, lol!
Mostly I don’t have a problem with it except that it’s not really necessary, any more than having a doll that “drinks” a bottle by making it look empty is necessary. Too much now we are giving kids props to play with instead of waiting for them to use their imaginations and pretend.
So while I have no problems with children pretending to nurse their babies, this is not something I would buy for my little girl if I had one.