I will admit it: my child eats candy. Lots and lots of candy. She loves candy and somehow she always finds some. Coincidentally, I like candy and eat lots and lots of candy. Maybe her love and my love of candy are related. It's hard to know for sure.
Also, maybe — maybe – I occasionally use candy as reward for a job well done. Or a reward for putting on snowpants, boots, coat, gloves, and hat without screaming like I'm trying to kill her. Please don't point out that the last one sounds entirely too much like a bribe.
Anyway, my daughter loves the sweet stuff and sometimes, especially around holidays like the upcoming candy extravaganza of Valentine's Day, my girl's candy ingestion reaches alarming levels. So I have decided from here on in, the only candy that will be in our household will be the following kinds:
It's candy! It's squid! It's… squid candy. Ack, face it, no matter how cute the packaging or how many sesame seeds cover it's dried and heavily seasoned carcass, it's still a f$#ing squid.
So how about oh… mmmmm… it's Bourbon Pickle Ex Lemon Milk Stick Chocolate. Yummy pickle and bourbon in a convenient chocolate stick format. With milk and lemons. Oh how I love lemon in my milk. The curdling makes my stomach churn with joy.
OH MY GOD, who wants pickles, milk, lemon and bourbon flavours in what essentially is a skinny cookie? WHO? My kid won't, that's for sure. Or maybe she will. Kids, you know.
And finally, I have no idea what to call this one but apparently it's a huge helping of salt combined with lemon and it guarantees that your face will look like the cartoon character on the packaging. Which, incidentally I didn't realize was a face and more importantly a mouth (ed. note: we were all very relieved when we realized that was a mouth) when I first saw it. Think about it.
Anyhow I think it would scare me to open the cupboard and see this packaging.
I figure if this is the only accessible candy in the house, sometime in the near future I'll be able to use carrots and broccoli as bribes rewards.
But my super top secret mommy-only candy stash? It won't contain any of this stuff, I promise you that.
About katie
You never know. Your daughter might like this stuff. My son (age 3) recently scarfed down some salt and vinegar crickets. (as in actual bugs)
@Marilyn Salt and vinegar crickets! Woah, those are totally going on the list.
You know it wouldnt surprise me if my plan backfired on me. Then I’d need to pack squid, bourbon, and pickles in my purse in case a reward was required. Grrrrrrrreat.