This week we (Catherine and me and our kids) are on the road courtesy of GM Canada, making our way from Toronto to Disney World in Florida to participate in the Tiarathon marathon to raise awareness about Duchenne’s Muscular Dystrophy and Catherine’s mission to do 100 miles For Tanner.
We are on a road trip. We’ve made up some rules:
1) Bad Moms do whatever it takes to ensure happy travels and if that means relaxing the rules, then so be it.
2) Bad Moms laugh at poop jokes that get shouted from the back seat and maybe contribute a few childishly off-colored ones themselves.
3) Bad Moms let their offspring run around the hotel room in their underwear / pull-up / natural packaging if that’s what keeps the peace.
4) Bad Moms happily resort to bribery, I mean reward incentives, to get children to finish meals, stop screaming / fit-pitching / whining. PEACE BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY.
5) Bad Moms don’t mind making the occasional stop for fast food because (a) the children eat it, (b) there are playrooms, and (c) ‘free’ toys make everyone smile.
6) Bad Moms sell visits to Target as ‘Princess Supply Pit Stops,’ and by golly the kids buy it.
7) Bad Moms use the DVD player in their Chevy Traverse ad nauseum even if that means hearing Mel Gibson talk about savages a la John Smith in Disney’s Pocahontas for hours on end. In fact, when it appeared that the DVD player wasn’t working at one point on their trip, these Bad Moms might have cried a little bit.
8) Bad Moms don’t say no to cookies for breakfast (with a side of fruit and cereal, of course, but the cookies go down first.)
9) Bad Moms don’t freak out when a box of cereal explodes in the back seat. And they don’t freak when the kids occasionally dip into the floor food.
10) Bad Moms don’t adhere to any rules except for the ones they make up on the road.