OK folks, don’t panic, but can someone check whether a) Hell has frozen over (I sense it’s either at the bottom of that sink hole in Guatamala or somewhere near BP headquarters) or b) I am, in fact, a monkey’s uncle because I am – wait for it, wait for it – agreeing with parenting advice from Kate Gosselin.
You heard me.
That’s right: Kate Gosselin is doling out advice that is actually sort of reasonable although technically it’s not really parenting advice so much as it is marriage advice but she’s sharing it with her kids, so.
So what is Kate saying? She’s telling her four daughters about getting married: ‘be really, really, really sure. And what’s the rush to get married young?… That’ll be my advice to my daughters, I’m already telling them — 30 and beyond,‘
I know that this doesn’t really apply to everyone, there are lots of marriages between young folks that survive the tests of the times (and those can be doozies of tests) but regardless of the couple’s age, the words ‘what’s the rush?’ are words well heeded. I’ve witnessed too many marriages end — and they were almost all marriages that were rushed into at the height of the honeymoon phase of the dating relationship. If they had just taken the time to get to know each other — something that takes time and experience — then maybe their relationship would have had a better chance.
So, yeah: the words ‘what’s the rush?‘ when it comes to committing to another person FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE (or in the cases of some religions, eternity, which is a long, long time) are words to really live by. I was raised with that ‘don’t get married until your 30s‘ advice and while I didn’t think my parents were right in my 20s, I realize now that they were really on to something. Setting an age of 30 might be a raising the bar a bit high, but it’s not really the number that is the important part of the advice so much as the ‘what’s the rush‘ part that one should take away.
I feel like washing my brain with soap for agreeing with Kate, but still. At least it’s a hell of lot better than the ideas that Jon Gosselin has in his head about dating baby-haters. These people make my head hurt.
That said, what are your thoughts on giving advice to your children about marriage? Is under-ten too soon to have those chats? Or is it just part of talking about divorce with kids? And: do you agree with Kate? Do you think 30 is too late? I wonder why she didn’t give the same words to her sons? Please share.
About katie
“I wonder why she didn’t give the same words to her sons?”
Because there isn’t the same societal pressure for boys to hurry up and get married. If women aren’t married by a certain age it’s because they are undesirable. If men aren’t married by a certain age, it’s because they have a cute little commitment problem and aren’t interested in being married.
.-= Miss Britt´s last blog ..Bragging About My Kids =-.
I hate double-standards but *sigh* I believe you are correct about that boy thing. I have a little commitment problem but no one ever called it cute (they should, because it totally is cute in a very annoying way.)
.-= katie | motherbumper´s last blog ..A Trip To The Zoo & Cranium Goo =-.
She has 5 daughters.
I think she’s just kidding around saying it now (and I really hope it’s not part of a divorce talk because that seems like it could be damaging to the kids), but I imagine when her kids are in high school and dating and think they’re *so* in love, it will be serious. I’ll tell my kids the same thing. I got married and had kids young. I wish I had waited. Who you are when you’re 21 is not the same as when you’re 30.
I totally agree too and normally I would never agree with her! lol I agree about marriage over 30, everyone seems like they are always in a rush with relationships. Moving men/women into their homes before getting to know them, then marrying if that works out. Not a good idea! Yeah talking with your kids early is ok if you do it the right way. In my opinion the later the better but not too late since you’d like to start a family.
All my siblings were married young to their high school sweethearts, two of them went on to have 5 kids with their spouse only to divorce after 13 and 15 years of marriage.
My mother, for whom English is a second language, used to tell me to “play the field”—-she hated the idea of me marrying young, though as I got close to 30 and didn’t even have a serious boyfriend, she started back-peddling, but by then I was having too much fun “playing the field”! I ended up married right after 30, and think it was definitely the right thing to do. My 20′s were such an important time for me to find out who I really was—if I had married the guy I was dating at 20, I don’t think I’d still be married now.
I have three kids now, and though I think I’ll pick my words a little more carefully, I definitely don’t want them to jump into marriage too young.
.-= Fairly Odd Mother´s last blog ..When a child won’t, or can’t, eat =-.
I met my husband when I was 19… we hung out for 6 months, dated for a year, moved in together and after 5 years got married. We’ve been together for 11 years (total) now, and still going. I may have met him young.. but I made sure he was a keeper before I decided to keep him. I’m definitely telling my girls not to rush into anything… although, even the best thought out, most carefully considered marriages can fall apart; and sometimes, something that everyone thought would last a year can last forever. In the end, they have to do what feels right to them, for good or ill.
.-= Jessica´s last blog ..Holy Crap, She’s 2! =-.