Bad Moms Wanna Know What Is Up With Madonna

Madonna is a fascinating case in the pantheon of celebrity mothers. You would think that she’d have asserted herself as the Mother Of All Bad Mothers, what with the pointy-bra’ed, Sex book-y, flirtation-with-heresy past and all, but instead she went and became all stiff and British and wrote some saccharine children’s books and bragged about how she never let her children watch television and basically became the world’s freakiest helicopter mom, writhing around in leotards that Olivia Newton-John would have shunned in her Let’s Get Physical heyday while wagging her fingers at slacker parents who dared expose their children to the evils of Hannah Montana. That, and hanging out with Gwyneth Paltrow, for which there should be an entirely distinct parenting category, something like “Aspirationally Banal.”

ANYWAY.

Madonna is currently appearing in a Dolce & Gabbana campaign, one that riffs a little on family and parenting, and the whole enterprise raises some questions for me.

Not least of which is: is Madonna, here, supposed to be representing Sexy Mom, or Sexy Grandma? Because, isn’t she, like, over 50? Which is not to say that 50 year olds can’t have babies, just that, you know, they usually can’t. I saw this 30 Rock episode while I was on a flight the other day and in the episode, this one character – an actress – who’s somewhere within spitting distance of forty gets called to audition for Gossip Girl and she assumes that she’s being called to read for a role as a Blair Waldorf peer when in fact she’s being called to play the mom of a Blair Waldorf peer and lo! Hilarities ensue! And this totally made me think of that, because, seriously, Madonna, you’re an attractive woman and all, but isn’t it stretching it a little for you to portray a steamy young mom in an ad campaign? And, also, to bounce a pre-solids baby on your belly while wearing Dolce & Gabbana?

Also, what’s up with the chickens?

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