Just Because You LOOK Smart Doesn’t Mean You ARE Smart: A Lesson In Poultry

Kids are dumb.

And I can say this with great authority because I have four of them. So believe me when I tell you They’re Not That Smart.

I guess that’s why they have parents. To undo the dumbness.

It was only a few years ago that one of my daughters came to my bedroom where I was reading and said, “I may have chicken in my nose.”

I put down my book, kneeled down to meet her eye level and asked, “What do you mean you may have chicken in your nose?”

“Well,” she started, “I know I do for sure because I put it there.”

I grabbed her face, tilted it back and stared up into her nostrils. “You put chicken in your nose? WHY???”

“To see if it would fit!”

And she said this as if I was the idiot.

I thought about my options. I could either try and get the chicken out myself or put on a bra and drive her to the emergency room and let someone else deal with this. After several minutes I decided to take a whack at it myself. Which is code for I Couldn’t Find A Clean Bra.

I took my daughter by the arm and led her to the kitchen. I grabbed several tissues and held them in front of her nose.

“Blow.”

She blew.

“Blow harder.”

She blew harder.

I looked up her nose again. The chicken hadn’t budged.

“OK, listen here, kid. You got a couple more shots at blowing this thing out on your own. Then we’re looking at a trip to the hospital.”

Hearing the word hospital must have done the trick because on the next blow the biggest chicken nugget you’ve ever seen flew out of her nose and landed with a thunk in my hand. I still have no idea how she managed to shove a piece of food that big up her tiny nostril.

She smiled at me and I rubbed the top of her head and said, “Let’s be clear, shall we? Your nose is not for storing your lunch.”

She rolled her eyes. “Mom. I know. It’s for storing your boogers.”

See? Dumb.