Why The Father of My Children Will Never Have A Beard

By on July 15, 2011

My husband loves his facial hair. Really loves it. Like, he would totally wear a beard, always, because he thinks that it makes him look manly, and more mature, except that I don’t let him, because, beards, ugh.

It’s not that have anything against beards qua beards, or facial hair in general. There are some men out there who can totally rock the facial hair. Tom Selleck, for example. Sean Connery. All of those British wizards: Gandalf, Dumbledore, et al. My dad usually sported a beard, and when he wasn’t sporting a beard, he was sporting a mustache, and the look suited him perfectly. Which is the core of the problem with beards on my husband: they remind me of my dad, and Sean Connery, and wizards. All of which are awesome – my dad especially – but they’re just, you know, not reference points that apply well with husbands. Mine, anyway.

So I insist that Kyle stay clean-shaven, mostly. I don’t mind a little stubble here and there – he looks good when he’s a bit shaggy – but full blown beards or mustaches are out of the question. Yes, even for Movember. Yes, I know that makes me a selfish twit, but still: I’m a selfish twit with issues about facial hair, so.

(That said, if you’re Tom Selleck circa 1986 and you’re reading this through some sort of time-collapsing wormhole: these rules don’t apply to you. CALL ME.)

Tom Selleck never had a Bic Flex 4 razor, which is probably for the best, because if he had, he wouldn’t be Tom Selleck. Right? So where do you stand on facial hair? Are you pro-beard or anti-beard? Pro-Tom or anti-Tom? Inquiring razor holders want to know!

About Her Bad Mother

Bad is the new good.


  1. Procrastamom says:

    I have the opposite problem. Without facial hair, my husband looks like a twelve year-old boy and kissing one of those? SO wrong! I always insist that he at least have a 5 o’clock shadow.


  1. [...] 20, 2011 Leave a Comment Look, I don’t have anything against beards, really. I know that I’ve spilled a few words here about not loving them, but I don’t, like, hate them. Some perfectly wonderful men have beards. Gandalf! Dumbledore! [...]

  2. Where The Wild Things Are says:

    [...] Facial hair (his, not [...]