I had sort of put off writing this post because I hate the perfunctory ‘my baby isn’t a baby anymore and I feel sad’ birthday posts.
But, my baby isn’t a baby anymore and I feel sad.
My last baby turned six on Christmas Eve and because she is the third I know what six means. Six means the loss of the pudgy cheeks and baby teeth, six means a growing dependence on friends and testing out of social power, six means a dwindling of spontaneous full mouth kisses and poop jokes. Six is almost seven, which is almost eight and then I will blink and my baby will be a teenager and full of angst and anger and drama.
I hate six.
My little girl is a bright light of wondrous motion. She is straight forward and meticulous, full of fun and independent. She still thinks her dolls talk to her at night and she needs her teddy to sleep. She is fearless, as a younger sister of two brother has to be. She is full of love. She is going to change the world. But I don’t want her to, I want her to stay my baby and grasp my hand and sleep next to me after a bad dream with her tiny toes burrowing into my thighs.
Oh, the places she will go, to paraphrase Dr. Suess. But I don’t want her to go places; I want her firmly where I can grab her at every turn. “I think I’ll be six forever and ever” wrote A.A. Milne. From his ancient typewriter straight to my heart, I wish it were so.
I want to press the pause button on my family so that each of my kids will freeze in their state. And I will continue to be defined by their childhood, buoyed by their enthusiasms and lisps and dance parties.
It is so predictable that a mother of three kids will feel down when her youngest goes to school and turns six. I hate being that mom, the one silently mourning each time her kid bounces away from her in the schoolyard. I’m not a helicopter mom in practice, but at heart I guess I do have some issues with letting go.
I know, I’m not alone. But I feel alone.
How do you feel about your kids growing up?
About Emma
“She is going to change the world. But I don’t want her to, I want her to stay my baby and grasp my hand and sleep next to me after a bad dream with her tiny toes burrowing into my thighs.”
Oooof… my heart. My one and only turned six last October and noticed the glimpses of her future-self were more frequent. I hate six too.
katie´s last [type] ..Comment on Hello 2012, Don’t Leave Me Behind by Sharon
My daughter is only two, but I think about how quickly she is growing up every day. It seems she is changing faster and faster into a full-on kid, and I can hardly keep up. I take thousands of photos of my daughter to help preserve some of the moments in our life. I also take short videos, and I’ve even begun doing voice recordings so I can remember how she talked.
In a way, I am very apprehensive about my daughter growing up. But it’s not because I’m afraid of her getting older. I’m afraid of something happening to ME. My mother passed away from breast cancer when I was 16. She was 53. Then this year, my half-sister (related to me through my mom) passed away from breast cancer. She was 47.
I know I will feel a sense of loss as my daughter gets older and changes. I have already experienced some of that with her transitioning from a baby into a toddler, and now with her transitioning from a toddler into a regular kid. And I think I have particularly felt the loss of my daughter no longer being a baby because the baby to toddler transition occurred at the same time I was making travel arrangements to go to my sister’s funeral.
I know, too, that if I get to be there with my daughter when she goes to kindergarten, when she goes to middle school, high school, prom, college, I will be so incredibly thankful. And I will be especially thankful if I get to be there when she gets married, and maybe has kids of her own. The more she grows and the longer I am here with her, I think the happier I will be, even thought I, too, will miss the “old” days.
Nicole´s last [type] ..Snow Day
My daughter turned six last month and although I love each age the most as it arrives, I am a bit sad too as her growing up flies by. She is such her own person – that is so much fun. I love her delight in everything in her life – she’s an “in with both feet’ kind of girl. So passionate about what she likes and what she doesn’t like.
Such a cliche that it goes by quickly but it does! I am trying to savour every moment. I am often reminded that “this is her childhood” and that helps me make every moment count. Not in a “our life has to be a carnival” kind of way, but things like as much as possible, having a lovely, peaceful, fun start to each day.
I feel like the luckiest mom – it took us almost 3 years of infertility to have this girl and I don’t regret a single moment. Well, maybe just the times when she wakes me up way.too.early! Heh…
Sandra´s last [type] ..Look what I made for Alt Design Summit…
I already get teary looking at baby pictures of my three year old. The other day she asked for “help with my doll’s baving soup” and then got a puzzled look on her face and corrected herself to “bathing suit.” *sniffle* Even though I’m enjoying getting to know the people they are becoming, I’ll always miss how soft and cuddly they were when they were babies.
Jessica´s last [type] ..Crazy for Crochet.
My baby is five, but she’s my baby, and I, too, know what’s next.
Hugs, friend. xo
I hate six too. I also hate three even though it hasn’t happened yet.
Corinne @ Have Baby Will Travel´s last [type] ..Getting Your Baby Sleep Back On Track After A Family Trip
I am a new mom. Ellen is only 3 months old. And i knew that from the moment she left my body my heart would break with each tiny milestone bec ause it would mean that she is learning, discovering and becomeing her own unique little person. I too know that she will always need her mom and fingers crossed she will always love me deep down inside even though she may not always show it on the outside but that doesnt mean that i wont shed silent tears from the first tooth to the first day of school until the last day she lives at home. Even as a new mom i am sad to think that soon the day will come when she will change when only time is watching and she become her own little girl and only be my little baby inside my heart and memories.
i can’t imagine six. we’re toddling toward one and some days i wish i could put her back in…