Bad Moms Get Tired Of The Mommy Wars

By on April 26, 2012

On Daddy's lapI haven't had a lot of “free” time on the Internet for far too long, thanks to my job at 'The Firm', what with it's long hours, daily commute, and decision to block/monitor the Internet. It's totally their prerogative, and I didn't abuse the Internet like others did, but I used to use my lunch hours to get some freelance stuff done, or reply to emails, or read/comment on posts. I have no desire for them to know how I spend my free time, so I've stayed offline until the evenings, which means that I'm trying to meet deadlines between putting my kids to bed and taking my husband to bed.


When I do sit down to read, it seems that the same debates that were out there when I started blogging seven years ago are still going strong. I know that everyone's trying to drive traffic and I know that these may be new topics for first-time moms, but all of the judgment being flung in the name of page views makes me sigh. And roll my eyes.

The working mom/SAHM/WAHM debate. Dudes. Parenting is THE HARDEST JOB ON THE PLANET. Your work situation is just a peripheral issue. I have been all of the above and you know what? You throw little beings into your life who rely on you to KEEP THEM ALIVE and we're all hanging on for dear life.

The “picky eaters” vs. those who are smug about how there kids eat ALL THE THINGS. My kids fall in the picky side of the spectrum, but get all of the food groups during the day. I get them to try the less “mainstream” dishes that I make, but I don't push it. I was picky until I was in my twenties but the fact that I'm sitting here typing this at the ripe old age of 37 is a testament to the fact that, 1) I DIDN'T DIE, and 2) PREFERENCES CHANGE. (Also! 2b) My oldest (age 9) tries new stuff all of the time, and likes it. There is hope!)

Breast vs. Bottle. SO MUCH RAGE from either side. Full disclosure: I was strictly formula fed and I have no allergies or any other possible side effects from formula. Full disclosure, part two: I was the smug mother-to-be during my first pregnancy; my kids would be strictly breastfed and never have formula. My first child was great breast-feeder, but at about six weeks old I was planning for a hair appointment and he WOULD NOT take a bottle. We tried about ten different bottle nipples until he would take one. My personal belied that the spiel of “nipple confusion” is BS, unless you're referring to my first-born. With babies number two and three, Daddy took one feeding in the night to give me a longer stretch of sleep. My kids had formula for their supplemental feeding and, hey. They're perfectly FINE.)

Co-sleeping vs. babies sleeping in their own bed. People shout statistics from either side. Side one: Co-sleeping is better! Side two: Sleeping on their own is better! Me: DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU. When my babies were itty-bitty newborns, they would spend the first few weeks in a bassinet in our room. Or sleeping on my or my husband's chest. Then they went to their own room, right next to ours. My firstborn was a great back sleeper; the other two got to about eight weeks old and would wake up out of a dead sleep and WAIL if I put them on their backs. So I (gasp!) let them sleep on their tummies. Many of my friends did the same. It's like a secret club. *whisper* My baby sleeps on her stomach.

(Related: When our kids are sick/have bad dreams/etc. we will let them sleep with us. And will wedge toes in my ribs and smack me in the face ten times and keep inching over so that I am somehow “sleeping” in a space five inches wide, while holding onto the edge for dear life so that I don't fall to the floor. Kudos to those of you who co-sleep every night. It's not for me.)

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Are you entrenched in the Mommy Wars debate? Or do you shrug it off? Do you feel like judging me for my choices? You wouldn't be the first.

About Angella

Angella Dykstra, aka reigning monarch of Dutch Blitz, is the wife of one and the mother of three. She’s an accountant by trade but would prefer if we could keep that our little secret. She spends all of her free time writing and taking photos and often ties the two together. She’s proudly Canadian but loves Americans, and not just because they created Target.


  1. Crickett says:

    I agree. We don’t need the wars. It’s all gorram hard.

    Let’s see…where did we fall? Breast fed because like yours, she refused to accept a bottle at all, regardless of what was in it. SAHM for first 3 years, Working Mom for 3 more, WAHM for last year. My mommy guilt is/was sufficient in all three states, thank you very much! Co-slept until she was big enough to get her arms out of any baby burrito we made, smacking us both in the face all night. Then we moved her into her own bed. Took about 2 weeks of training to get her to go to sleep on her own. Put her down on her back until she was big enough to roll over on her own…then there was no making her sleep on her back. She’s a front sleeper.

    So there ya go, Internet. I’m sure I’m a horrible, horrible mom, just like everyone else, and you’ll waste no time castigating me for it!

    • Angella says:

      Oh, you sound like a HORRIBLE Mom. ;)

      I love hearing what does/doesn’t work for everyone. We all have different stories… :)

  2. Ashley says:

    We’ve talked about how we find some of those things in our house but it’s always meant to be done without judgement. Nobody has this all figured out, anyone who calls themself a “parenting expert” is full of it – since there is no recipe for doing this parenting gig, and aside from neglecting/abusing your children, there is no “wrong” way to parent, there can’t be an expert. We’re all winging it, and if you love your kids then you’re doing it right.
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