First of all, when did this start? I can guarantee that my parents weren’t scrambling to pull together any team snacks during my childhood. This is something our generation came up with, isn’t it? No doubt it’s supposed to foster a sense of community and sharing. I’m sure some people even think it’s easier to bring a snack for everyone every few weeks than it is to bring a small snack for just their own kid every time. Maybe the kids look forward to the snack and it’s healthy and good for them and isn’t that all that matters? Huh? Isn’t it?!
No, man. It’s not.
The most important thing to consider should be that I am so over the food politics of parenting. Breastmilk! Formula! Breast! Bottle! Organic! Affordable! Made-from-scratch! Convenient! Shut up! And now I’m supposed to come up with a refreshing and wholesome and non-processed snack that will contain no major allergens and that all the kids will like. Fuck me.
The amount of anxiety I had picking up a watermelon last week was ridiculous. Because maybe it was too cold for watermelon and was it even enough? And also because I was trying to feed my kids a healthy, homemade dinner at the crack of 5pm in order to get their asses to the t-ball diamond in time and have you ever tried to carve up a watermelon and spoon feed a baby at the same time? While you’re also refilling milk glasses and breaking up fork fights? THIS is why I starve all day and then resort to snacking on junk late at night and can’t lose the baby weight. Stupid team snack.
So I call bullshit on team snack because it is fraught with politics and anxiety. But I also call bullshit because nobody really wants to do it, do they? Am I wrong? Speak up you team snack lovers! Nobody wants to deal with coming up with a snack on the way from work to the ball park. Nobody needs another thing to deal with in the after school scramble. And since I have two other children who get to sit through every game and practice, I still need to pack a snack on my off days.
Are you with me or against me, bad moms? And if you’re with me, can we please figure out a way to put an end to this charade of communal snacking bliss? Please!