I’m very proud of myself this year for sticking to my 2011 New Year’s resolutions. They were the following:

1. …
2. …
3. …

As you can see, I set very lofty goals for myself in the areas of self-improvement, kindness, discipline and dust bunny eradication. Now, I have the immense personal satisfaction of knowing that I Came Through For Me. Hooray!

Seriously. I didn’t set any resolutions, because I just didn’t want the personal pressure of basically setting myself up for failure about two days in to 2011. I had a 1 year old, seasonal depression and a whole lot of FuckItItis, and no real reason to believe that I was on a path to changing, well, anything. Still, it was remarkably liberating, in a way, to just let myself completely off the hook. I sucked and I knew it! Admitting is the first step!

But for some reason, this year I feel the need to make resolutions. And not “I will work out three times a week and I will keep the house immaculate and I will always be cheerful and never snarky” kind. You know, the impossible ones that will inevitably lead to failure and self-recrimination and immersion in cookies and bad late night TV.

So this year, I’m keeping them realistic. Here are my Resolutions For 2012.  I’m sharing them with you so that you can hold me accountable. Any time you see me not doing any of the below, feel free to slap me.  You have my permission. Ready?

1. I will shower every second day (at least). OK, maybe every third.
2. I will always make sure I put things on the shopping list well *before* we run out, not after. This will prevent, for example, the 11 pm run to the gas station for milk. Or rum.
3. I will actually put the dog on the leash and take him for walks instead of throwing handfuls of crackers in the backyard for him to hunt in the hopes he will take the hint and pee on his own.
4. When I pull on a sock and discover there is an enormous hole in it, I will put on a new sock immediately instead of leaving the sock on while resolving to throw it out that night then completely forgetting about it and chucking it in the laundry hamper and washing it and ending up in the exact same situation a week later.
5. When the garbage can is full, I will empty it instead of stuffing more and more and more in to it, playing some kind of game of garbage chicken until it finally wins and I open the cupboard door and face an avalanche of milk bags, dirty kleenexes and dog treat packaging.

I dunno, you guys. Do you think I’m setting my sights too high? I don’t want to let myself down.

What are your resolutions for 2012?

You’re still shopping, aren’t you? Or rather, you haven’t started. Don’t worry; you’re me, half the time. (The other half of the time I feel way too ambitious then use the energy to radically overcompensate and buy way too many presents too early and end up with way too many copies of the same book that I can’t really give to everybody because they’ll know I bought in bulk and ANYWAY.)

But don’t worry: The Bad Moms Club is right here to save your way-too-busy ass.  Here are a few easy-peasy, last minute gifts – just as long as you’re willing to brave the malls. Visa Ho!

For the bookworm: This year’s Giller nominees were top notch, and any one of them would look like a thoughtful, well planned-out-in-advance gift. Look at you, looking smart and intellectual and stuff because you even know what the Giller prize is.

For the foodie: A gift certificate to the hottest new restaurant in town. It doesn’t have to be enough to cover the whole meal, just enough for a couple of plates of things with lentils and sauces made out of Pepsi or something. But you’ll still get the credit in the end, especially if they get a sitter and turn it in to a date night. See what I did there?

For the fashionista: Everyone needs a new scarf. Everyone, and especially your friends whose children have commandeered all their winter gear and used them to build snow armies in the back yard. And everything’s on sale everywhere right now as retailers try and desperately beat their 2010 Holiday Season numbers. And best of all, there’s some superawesome pretty scarves that will make any bad mom feel like a supermodel.

For the organizationally challenged: A datebook. Go to Calendar club and get them one of those books that has a new photo of Paris or London or Rome every week. Not only will they actually remember lunch with you, they’ll get a little lift when they look at a pretty picture of the Louvre or the Trevi Fountain instead of spilled cheerios and Thomas the Train packages.

And for your best friend, the one who listens to you no matter how late or illogical it is: A big bottle of wine. And two glasses. And sitters for both of you sometime in January so that you can drink it dry.

Merry Christmas, Bad Moms!

So the other week I went to SeaWorld, and they were all, like, bring a bathing suit, which was, on the one hand, terrifying, but on the other, intriguing (swimwear at SeaWorld could mean… swimming at SeaWorld! With, like, their creatures!) It also raised the very important of issue of how, if there were going to be water activities, one would digitally record those activities. After all, as we all know: pictures or it didn’t happen.

You can buy waterproof digital cameras, of course, but those can be pricey, and also, how often are you really taking pictures in water? And it’s not really an option to bring your phone camera into the water – I’ve tried this, and it’s scary – so what are you going to do?

You’re going to buy an old-school disposable waterproof film camera, that’s what. And then you’re going to take in the water with you while you swim with Manta Rays. I know, right? CRAZY. Who uses film any more?

Of course, once you’re done taking pictures you can’t just upload them to your computer (to say nothing of not being able to tweet or post them to Facebook immediately), which is a drag, sure, but still: there’s something kind of retro-thrilling about taking the cameras in to a camera shop and paying the extra five bucks for same-day service (same-day! WOO HOO!) and then waiting anxiously for 5:15 when they’re done and then getting those little packets of real pictures! On actual photo paper and stuff! With NEGATIVES!

Then all you have to do is figure out how to make them digital.

I’ve been told that there are film processing places that will do this for you, but none of those places are anywhere near me, and I wanted those photos, like, yesterday. There’s also always the scanning option, which is – this is embarrassing to admit – a little bit beyond my technical abilities. The easiest thing to do, however, is to just take pictures of them with your iPhone. (You cannot, as it happens, use this trick – the bestest lame-o photographer trick in the world – but as it turns out, you don’t need to do that so much with Manta Rays.)

Which is exactly what I did. I laid them out in a room with good natural light (you don’t want a light source that is throwing too much shadow or glare) and then just snapped the ones that I liked. Then I opened them in camera+ – you all know how much I love me my camera+ – and fiddled with them a bit (cropped, edited for clarity, that kind of thing) and then Instagrammed a few – how could I not – and then uploaded some to Picnik where I turned them into a collage.

Super fun, right?

Look, I know that it’s all a little, you know, involved, but using an old-school disposable film camera is actually kind of fun. And think of how much fun your kids could have with a few of these – which can be tossed around and toddler-handled by even the most rabid of toddler badgers – either in the water or out. And at the end of it all, you have those awesome print images. Which you could – ooh! – put in a photo album or send to Grandma or something. CRAZY.

And if you happen to stumble on one of those rare opportunities to canoodle Manta Rays, well, you’ll be ready.

(Many, many heartfelt thanks to SeaWorld and Discovery Cove, who let us play with their Manta Rays and their dolphins and their birds and stuff. Awesomest place ever, you guys.)

(If you’re going to go out, like, immediately to try this out for yourself, consider submitting the resulting shot to Intel’s “Visual Life” contest for a chance to win a new Second Generation Core i5 laptop. And, really, you should go out immediately and do this. Except that you might have trouble finding Manta Rays and sharks. But still! You could stage some shots in a swimming pool, or a bathtub! Think how awesome that would be! And you would probably be the only Intel Visual Life photographer using disposable film, so. WIN.)

Next time I need someone to exhaust my kid — because you know, I’m already exhausted and my child falls into the category know as ‘never tired’ — I am hiring an otter to do the job. Why an otter you ask? Well the proof is in this video:

Look at him go! You can bet your bottom dollar that that child slept well that night.

Sure beats my childhood neighbor’s solution. She used to tie her child to the clothes line in the backyard and tell him to run himself ragged. Then she would bring him in when he was plum tuckered out — true story! Can you imagine if someone did that these days? First the outrage would break out on Twitter when someone tweetpic’d it, then a flurry of posts would crucify the mother, then social services would show up and explain the difference between hanging out the laundry and hanging out the child. The parent’s of my generation were darn lucky that the internet wasn’t accessible back then and that’s all I have to say about that.

source

Hey, Mother’s Day is this weekend!

And while all the Good Moms will smile and say it’s totally OK if you forgot Mother’s Day, or if you’ve booked a golf trip all day, or if her Mother’s Day is being spent at your Mother’s house where she will be subjected to passive-aggressive jabs and jell-o salads, be aware this crowd of Bad Moms sure won’t let you off the hook that easily. (And if you’re lucky, your partner is a Bad Mom, because Bad Moms are way more fun.)  So save yourself the pain, and coordinate your Mother’s Day around our handy tips.  This will totally work for you in the long run.

1. Let Mom Sleep In. Take one for the team, brother. Get the baby monitor, take the kids, leash the dog, and get the hell out of the house if you can. Yes, we are aware it’s a lot of work, seeing as how we do it all the time. On Mother’s Day, Bad Moms want nothing more than to relive our glory days the only way we know how: pretend we’re 22 and single again with no reason whatsoever to get out of bed, certainly not because anyone’s banging at the door or demanding Cheerios at 6 in the morning.  Let us wake up on our own and drink our coffee in silence. It’s bliss.

2. Someone Else Can Cook.  And Clean. If your kids insist on making breakfast for Mom (after she gets out of bed, of course), SUPERVISE. Otherwise your daughter could end up putting 1/4 cup of salt instead of 1/4 teaspoon in to the french toast. And that’s a bad surprise.  Then, when the kids are done, don’t leave the mess for Mom to clean up. Do the dishes. And wipe the counters. Seriously, it’s easy.

Better idea: Make brunch reservations. And make them today.  Don’t wait til Sunday morning to call around frantically hoping you can squeeze in somewhere because trust me: You can’t.

3. She Doesn’t Really Want To Spend Her Mother’s Day With Your Mother. Or Hers, Even. Yes, I know your mother is going to raise holy hell if Mother’s Day isn’t all about her, or if you miss the faaaaaaaaaaaamily dinner, or if you all don’t show up to bow at the Shrine of Grandma, but here’s the thing. If you have young kids, your wife or partner is the one doing the heavy lifting right now. And all Mother’s Day at Grandma’s is going to get her is hours of wrangling the kids, making sure they don’t smash Grandma’s precious collection of tchotchkes, keeping them away from the overly large, usually drooly and generally unfriendly dog, and putting up with the passive aggressive jabs about her going back to work/her not going back to work/her weight/your weight/et cetera. Wow, what woman wouldn’t want to spend Mother’s Day that way?  (Here’s a hint: All of us.)  Your wife comes first. Tell Grandma you’ll come for brunch on Saturday (and bring flowers when you show up), but keep Sunday for your wife/partner and her alone.

4. Macaroni Art Wins. Sometimes you get lucky and the kids’ school takes care of the handcrafted Mother’s Day art. But if they didn’t, then it falls to you. Get some construction paper, macaroni shells, glitter glue and crayons and let the kids go to town. It’ll keep the kids entertained, and Mom will cherish it forever. OK, even if she doesn’t, you’ll get major cred for having thought of it in the first place.

5. The Gesture Of Love And Thanks. If you have all of the above in place, Mom probably won’t give a rat’s ass if you don’t give her anything, but you’re going for WINNING here. A card that tells her that you do notice and appreciate what she does for the kids – in whatever love language you speak – and a joyful bouquet of flowers, or a bottle of her favourite wine, or something else you know she’ll love and that is a special treat (ie. not a drill. Or a vacuum. Seriously, dude?!) will remind her that you do, indeed, rock as a husband. THIS WORKS WELL FOR YOU.

6. When In Doubt, Or If You Screwed Up All Of The Above: Expensive Jewelry. Cause while we don’t particularly *want* to be bought, we’ll be OK with it if that’s all you’ve got.

If you stick to our tips, you will be certain to avoid the fate of getting new socks and the cold shoulder this coming Father’s day. And won’t that be worth it?

Rule number one for the social media mother, or any mother, or anyone, who carries a lot of stuff: learn how to accessorize. No, not with purses and handbags. With bags for tech gear, and everything else that you carry that won’t fit into your knock-off Fendi clutch. (Ha. You’re a mother. Like you carry a clutch.)

I travel, a lot. And when I travel, I tend to bring a lot of gear with me, because I’m usually working when I travel, and my work involves words and pictures and video, and in a computer age that means using devices that capture photos and video and that put words onto the Internet, which is to say – camera, video camera and laptop. But the problem has always been this: there are plenty of bags on the market that are designed for toting those things around, but they are all – what’s the word? – UGLY.

They’re all man-bags. Made of canvas, usually, or maybe some fancy waterproofed fabric that is nonetheless hideous for being waterproofed. Sometimes they come in leather, but then only in black, usually. Otherwise, they’re gray or brown or khaki with lots of Velcro and buckles. They are HIDEOUS. So what’s a techie girl to do?

For a long time I just hacked my diaper bags. Diaper bags actually make excellent gear bags, because they’re sturdy and roomy and have lots of compartments and if you have decent little camera bag (Golla makes some cute ones) you can tuck it right in there alongside your laptop in a padded sleeve and have lots of room left over. And diaper bags are pretty cute these days – if you made the sensible decision to invest in a nice one – or even two – when your baby came along – you’ll have something nice to work with, and all the more justification for that investment. So, yeah. Diaper bags! Not just for diapers!

I mentioned Golla bags; these are cute, non-man-baggy camera bags, but they don’t make a style that can accommodate a camera and lenses and a laptop or netbook or tablet, and mama’s got a lot of gear. So I was thrilled when Maile Wilson of Epiphanie Bags recently sent me one of her latest designs – the Clover – which is a gorgeous camera bag slash laptop bag slash purse. It’s everything that the man-bag is not, and I love it, and I want ten of them, just because (or, at least, one of the Paris, which also holds laptop and camera and more). On my recent trip to Disney World – during which I was, of course, taking lots of pictures and video and uploading it all to my computer for posting on the Interwebs – the bag accommodated my laptop, my camera, two extra lenses, a large Moleskine notebook, my wallet, my iPhone, an iTouch for the kids, a small make-up bag, some diapers, two sets of Skullcandy headphones for the kids, a copy of the New Yorker, and a book, with room to spare for boarding gate snacks. WIN.

Right?

It’s my number one favorite tech AND style accessory. Yes, I love it more than shoes, and my tripod.

What’s your favorite tech accessory? It doesn’t have to be a style-related accessory (although, since we’re on the topic, I should also mention my Kate Spade iPhone case, and my Karim Rashid netbook, which isn’t so much a tech accessory as a piece of tech in itself, but it’s so stylin’ that I have to mention it whenever I combine the words ‘tech’ and ‘pretty’ in a post.) (In the ugly-but-beloved tech accessory category: my DSLR lenses, the aforementioned tripod, back-up hard drives – there’s a whole ‘nother post to written on how I came to learn to love those beastly things – and the docking-slash-stereo station for our iPad.)

Share your favorites here or join the discussion at the Intel Canada page on Facebook, where we’re talking about accessorizing your techie life in style, or at least style-adjacent.

This weekend, we – we as in the whole fan-damily; moms and dads and uncles and aunts and cousins – are headed to Disney World. It’s Tanner’s wish-trip; the trip that brings his family together for a holiday and allows him to show his cousins around his favorite place in the world and that was made possible by Air Canada and Disney (and for which we love Air Canada and Disney, much.) And it’s really super awesome and all, but it involves airplanes and airports with small children. Small, excited children. Small, excited children who will not be settled with crayons and notepaper. So we need to bring out the big technological guns to distract them and keep them occupied en route to the Happiest Place On Earth.

But how does a parent go about figuring out what kind of shiny device will distract their children on a trip like this? What shiny devices are best? Are shiny devices best? Whatever happened to Etch-A-Sketch? I HAVE ANSWERS.

1) What does your child play with – or beg to play with – at home? Do they thrill at the iPhone? Consider handing over the iPhone – in Airplane Mode, of course – for the flight. Or invest in an iTouch, and protect your precious iPhone. Don’t have or want an i-anything? Look at Nintendo or V-tech or any other kid-friendly gaming device and consider acquiring – or allowing free use of – one of those. EASY.

2) Do you consider handing over the iPhone or the Nintendo a cop-out? Think about what non-gaming things your children like to do, and go from there. Do they love watching movies? Bring the laptop and some of their favorite movies. Do they love listening to stories? Bring an iPod or some such with stories loaded.

3) Are you Apple-product averse? Look into non-Apple tablets. I love tablets for kids because they’re so intuitive – and I especially love them for special needs kids like Tanner because they’re accessible even to someone with very limited arm and hand mobility – and there are lots of tablets to choose from. The one that I’m dying to try – and maybe share with my children – is the one that I saw at CES that converts between a laptop and a tablet – the Dell Inspiron Duo, which is a netbook with a touch-sensitive screen that flips over so that when the netbook is closed its ‘top’ has become a tablet (and! Flash enabled! so!) It’s potentially a great compromise as a travel device – you can do email or sneak in some work on documents using the keyboard, but on the plane or during downtime the kids can use it as a tablet to play games or watch movies or whatever. And so much less expensive than a netbook AND an iPad.

4) Bring along extra (cheapo) cameras or mini-cams. Whether you just hand over your phone or bring along that point-and-shoot that you never use any more or the Flip video camera or Sony Bloggie, there are whole minutes of distraction to be had while your kids take pictures out the airplane window or do long, Bergmanesque takes on the life of the cocktail peanut. They can interview each other and then replay it, over and over again! They can get footage of that screaming baby and replay that, too, to the great delight of fellow passengers! And when you get to your destination, they can get footage of you, sunburned and over-tequila’ed! WIN.

5) Etch-A-Sketch. No, it doesn’t play movies, but if you’re skilled enough you could do some awesome old skool animation with it.

And if all else fails: GRAVOL.

(Just kidding. Maybe.)

Get more insider advice – from me and others – on all things tech and sorta tech and tech-adjacent! Join the discussion at the Intel Canada page on Facebook.

In January, I presented a workshop on the topic of choosing a blogging platform at Blissdom 11 in Nashville. It’s a great starting point for blogging wanna-bees, newbies, or anyone who wants to know more about what blogging tools are out there, because the most basic tool in all blogger’s bag of tricks — besides the ability to form a sentence — is the blogging platform.

So… what is a blogging platform you ask? Basically in a nutshell, blogging platforms — also referred to as blogging applications — are web content management systems which means they offer archive functionality for creating and editing content that is available on the Internet. Sounds fancy, eh? Well they are but that is no reason to be intimidated by something that is also known as the ‘back end’ of all blogs.

Most blogging applications have fairly consistent features:

• Posts – ability to create content for the blog with at minimum, text.
• Comments – ability to have readers leave their thoughts on individual posts
• Images – ability to embed images without having to know how to code or maintain an image directory
• Archives – organization of older content
• Feeds – ability to notify subscribers in multiple ways that there is new content on the blog
• WYSIWYG tools – editors that usually contain drag-and-drop widgets to help non-techie people create professional looking content.

WordPress.com

• Free
• Limited branding (eg. Domain mapping costs extra)
• Hosted by WordPress for free
• Premium fees for upgrades (e.g. domain mapping, CSS customizations)
• Cannot display ads
• Limited theme customization (must pay fee for most customization)
• Very easy to use
• Includes built in features that ping Technorati and Google
• Includes comment spam blocking plug-in Askismet
• Limited authors
• Unlimited blogs

WordPress.org

• Free to download, cost is in hosting
• Complete branding: domain mapping, customizations
• Requires some technical knowledge at minimum
• Totally customizable – only limited by technical know-how
• Many themes available to customize
• Many plugins available
• Threaded comments (in addition to other commenting features)
• Allows ads
• Most flexible
• Unlimited authors and blogs

Typepad

• Fee structure
• Limits number of authors and other roles based on subscription
• Limits number of blogs based on subscription
• Easy to use but most difficult to migrate to another platform in relation to images
• Limited customization features but does allow for some code to be updated in addition to adding custom CSS
• Allows for full monetization

Obviously this isn’t an exhaustive list but these are great starting places for researching platforms.

Get more insider advice on all things tech! Join the discussion at the Intel Canada page on Facebook.

image from ^^TILSIM^^

Oh how I love word play! Just as much as you, the aspiring mom blogger, should know your backend (aka. your blogging platform), you should also know your hosting, by which I do not mean your mad Martha Stewart skillz, but your blog hosting. When it comes to blogging, the term ‘hosting’ means just that: a place for a blog to ‘live’ — literally. A hosting provider rents out space on their servers for blogs and websites and so gives them a space to exist online.

I’ve put together this post based on my experiences and here are some considerations to keep in mind when deciding which way to to host your blog:

• Costs
• How much space is really needed for your blog
• Services and support

There are two kinds of hosting in the realm of blogging: hosted and self-hosted. What is the difference between a blog host and self-hosting? Let’s start with hosted blogs.

A hosted blog (or blog host) is a platform that allows a blog to reside on their server. Typepad and Blogger are examples of a blog host and they provide a fast way to get up and running without needing to know any technical under-the-hood stuff. Using a blog host is the easiest to maintain a blog but may not be suitable for everyone.

When signing up with a blog host, the blog host maintains all your back-end needs. Note that most major blog hosts are either free or offer a free trial package so you can try before you buy. But remember if using a free trial, think about the blog domain if using a free-trial. When using a blog host without a custom domain (eg. motherbumper.blogspot.com versus motherbumper.com), the hosted blog will append that ‘.blogspot.com’ or ‘.typepad.com’ to the domain. If the free trial doesn’t work out, the domain will remain with that host even if the blog doesn’t — think about any effect on Google page rank for posts that existed on that host. This issue can be fixed with redirects but we won’t go into that type of detail in this post.

Things to consider before using a hosted blog:

• Think about your domain — most offer the ability to map your purchased domain to mask the domain they provide you with. E.G. motherbumper.blogspot.com versus motherbumper.com or motherbumper.typepad.com
• How much control is needed for the design? Ability to customize can be limited on hosted blogs. There is limited access to and less control of HTML and CSS. For example Typepad limits which files can be accessed, changed, and customized.
• What feeds do they support? RSS or Atom, etc.

Pros of hosted blogs:

• Software updates are done by your host
• Host manages your code

Additional information about hosted blogs:

• Offered by Blogger, WordPress, Typepad, Tumbler, etc. Some for a fee, others for free
• Free hosted blogs generally include an extension in the blog URL (e.g. wordpress.com or blogspot.com)
• A benefit of hosted is many have a great track-record for up time, they generally are low cost, someone else deals with back-end issues, and they are easy to set-up and use. Pretty much worry free
• Downside: limited customizations and there isn’t really anyone to call and scream at during down time (unless your significant other counts).

A self-hosted blog offers more flexibility and typically offers more features than using a hosted blog (blog host). The blog owner (you!) maintains the server space, has full access to the blog’s back-end (heh), and can also store, aka host, additional media on the same server (eg. videos, music, photos) to display on the blog. When you hear people talking about their GoDaddy or Blue-Host accounts on Twitter, they have self-hosted blogs. Yes you need a little bit of technical know-how to use self-hosted blog BUT there are lots of resources out there that can literally take you step-thru-step for setup and other tasks you may need to do.

Things to consider before using a self-hosted blog:

• Is it worth the cost?
• Do you have time/patience to maintain the blog (because trust me, the know-how is easy to pick up)? For example, WordPress does more updates than any Windows operating system (or so it seems) and while it only takes on button push to do the update, there is the nail-biting moments during the upgrade where you worry that things don’t get broken during the upgrade. Not all plug-ins work with all versions of WordPress.
• What level of customer service, technical service, any service at all does the hosting provider offer? Would your fellow bloggers recommend that host? I love GoDaddy but my friend wouldn’t recommend them to her worst enemy. I’ve heard nightmare stories about BlueHost but many swear by them. Go with a host that has come recommended from a respected source. Remember: every hosting provider has a dissatisfied customer. Or a thousand.

Comparing Web Hosts, what should you look for?

• Fee structures
• Discounts for buying bulk
• Be wary of add-ons that you may not need (e.g. 100 email address, unnecessary space, etc)
• Space — most blogs work well with the smallest package web hosts provide.
• Transfer speeds and limits
• Reputation for up-time and down-time customer service
• Support – in my opinion this can make or break a provider
• Longevity – how long have they been around?

Most popular web hosts:

• BlueHost: many are happy with their cost, up-time, and suppport but I have heard grumbling over twitter.
• GoDaddy: I use them. They have been around for a long time, have good up-time record, and my experience has been consistently positive (excellent customer support).
• Host Gator: good reputation but have not personally worked with them.
• HostMonster: good pricing and features but have not personally worked with them.

Pros of self-hosting:

• Total control over the blog behaviour, look and feel
• Can easily create sub-domains. Think of blogs that have seperate ‘areas’ like a photoblog, blog, recipes, etc that have different headers, sidebars, etc but a common theme and a common domain.

Self-hosted

• There are many different types of self-hosting — all for a fee. Compare packages and get reliable references from your blogging friends.
• Self-hosted allows for complete flexibility for those not afraid of techie stuff
• Benefits – A lot more functionality than hosted blogs – A LOT!
• Downside: potential for more down time, must maintain own server or pay for help depending on service level from provider, cost

I hope this helps clear up some of the mystery of the blogging back-end. Do you have anything to add about hosting? Let me know!

So there’s still a few days of spring break remaining, and if you’re at all like me, you’ve probably run out of things to do to keep your children occupied. Here are some ideas to get through this last, long stretch, without losing your mind:

1) Have Backwards Day. Just like any other day, except you do everything backwards. Put your shirts on backwards, walk backwards to the park, face away from the mirror while brushing your teeth, eat dinner starting with dessert and ending with salad (or dinner for breakfast and breakfast for dinner), etc, etc. The beauty of this is that you don’t need to actually plan anything new to do to keep the kids from getting bored – the novelty is in doing ordinary things the wrong way round. Obviously, you need to document this with photos and video, because children walking backwards and bumping into things is really, really funny, and this is all about keeping you amused anyway, right?

2) Have Kids In Charge Day. Let the kids decide how the household is going to be run for the day – what to eat for meals, when to get dressed, what chores to do (or not)… and also let them take the lead on running it, which is to say, let them prepare the meals (within the scope of their ability) and pick out clothes, etc. It’s best with this plan to restrict their authority to inside the house , but if they’re under sixteen they won’t be able to drive anyway and won’t be able to demand that you take them to Chuck E. Cheese. You want Chuck E. Cheese, sweetie? You got a car and money? WELCOME TO ADULTHOOD. *Boom. Winning.* (And what I said above about documenting with photos and video? Goes double here.)

3) Spring Cleaning Day. Make a day of cleaning and purging, and make it fun: have the kids tie rags to their feet to clean the floors (do this to music), make toy clean-up into a game of mini-basketball (can they get Dora into the toy basket from across the room?), give them a bucket of soapy water to slosh around the bathtub (this will require a post-soaping wipe-down and lots of towels, but it will keep them occupied for whole minutes.) If they need added incentive, tell them that if they fill a box with toys to give away to charity/Goodwill/Sally Ann/wherever, they get to a) pick out one new toy of their choice, or b) pick a special outing for dinner (if you know that they’re going to say Chuck E. Cheese, just limit their choice to a)).

4.) Okay, fine. You want to actually get them out of the house? ALL RIGHT. Get your raincoats and rainpants on and go for a walk in a lovely muddy park (they’re all muddy right now, so you won’t have to look far.) Go to the zoo. Go to the movies and see anything other than Yogi Bear. Or, go see Yogi Bear and tell your kids that this is what bad movies look like. Don’t go to Chuck E. Cheese. Go anywhere other than Chuck E. Cheese.

And you can still go see this show and do some good at the same time; order your tickets with the code TANNER and $2 from that ticket will go to Parent Project Muscular Dystrophy in Tanner’s name. Helping save boys’ lives is way better than Chuck E. Cheese any day.